Great idea but I ended up in a crumpled heap half under the bed using the bedside cabinet as a very uncomfortable cushion. There was no way Heather could rescue me from my new and very uncomfortable situation so she called our eldest daughter who wasn't at home but at our other daughters house. So that is how I came to be manhandled back into bed earlier tonight. I started writing this post yesterday when I was feeling depressed about not being able to get over the constant feeling below par. I know I am never going to feel fantastic but the seemingly endless battle to feel human is taking its toll mentally.
I am always a glass half full type of guy but the last few months I have had my optimism knocked out of me. Endlessly feeling unwell and yet when I get checked I am told nothing there your tests have come back clear. I will phone my GP on Monday but if she suggests urine and bloods again I don't know if I can bear being told I have nothing wrong. That just means more of this and even though I think my antidepressant tablets are the best things since sliced bread I may be needing some stronger ones. I am on the verge of crying as I write this because the realisation is dawning on me this is my future. I have always fought my MS but now I think it is beating me, I don't want to keep fighting I just want to curl up and cry. I said to Heather earlier this week that I could just cry I thought a trouble shared was a trouble halved but now I have admitted it the genie is out of the bottle. Where do I go from here because I don't know if I have any fight left in me. Now I am crying!