Sunday, 27 November 2016

MS and me

I was diagnosed over twenty years ago, thinking about it the time has flown by. Just because I had Multiple Sclerosis  the world didn't change but I had to adapt to the changes in me. Early on it was balance so I had to give up working as a roof tiler. A very good mate had to carry me off of a roof in Cliftonville after I lost all movement in my legs. I remember him sitting me on the pavement and saying to me maybe now you will get something done about it, funny how those around you know there is something wrong but wont mention it. After I went and was eventually diagnosed with PPMS (primary progresive multiple sclerosis) several of my friends said they  knew I had something wrong and one even thought I was permanently drunk because my walking and balance was so bad. I have had to give in to my body as the changes became apparent. I can remember having to pull into a lay-by  just a few miles from home and sleep when I was hit by fatigue, that was the first time I discovered the joy of real fatigue I couldn't have gone on driving and had to admit my days behind the wheel were over.
First I was able to continue with using one walking stick and then two. I progressed to crutches then onto a zimmer frame I also had a mobility scooter as well so I could keep up with grandchildren and was able to go for walks with the family. Then I had to give up the zimmer and use a wheelchair in doors. I now have an electric wheelchair to get me around a through floor lift and a hospital bed amongst other things. Sometimes I think it is these adaptions that define me rather than the physical being. But these things have come into our lives to make living easier, they are just aides to help me live a full and enjoyable life, to participate in day to day stuff. They enable Heather to struggle less I think my MS has more effect on her than me because she is always worrying about me were as I don't worry it won't change anything. I have missed out all of the infections and bodily function problems and there have been many, to numerous to write about. The reason I wrote this post was a guy on the MS forum was worried abut how his diagnosis was going to pan out and I thought how had  panned out for me and in all honesty I dont know because I have lived through all of the above changes and I am still here just a bit older and none the wiser. MS is a journey that is different for each individual. Someone once said what dont kill you makes you stronger, well I ain't dead so I must be stronger.

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