Saturday, 20 September 2014

Are antibiotics the answer?

The last couple of weeks I have been a little off colour, not my normal self. I know my body and I think I manage my Multiple Sclerosis quite well. It is NEVER going away and I know it's little nuances now, after all  I have had over twenty years of practice. Well I have been a bit low my body has let me into its secrets in the last two weeks I have had four toilet accidents. I never got to the toilet in time. For me this is a really big deal. Trying to clean myself up and legs that don't want to work have to support a body that can't balance. When trying to get out of my trousers and soiled pants is a real mission I mean REALLY BIG MISSION. Showering after is fun. I need to shower but by now I am exhausted BIG TIME exhausted. My legs only just hold me when I wake up on a normal day. I can't walk I shuffle a few yards at best when feeling good and now I feel awful.  I need to stand to clean myself up and my legs are crying out NO WAY. I am feeling very vulnerable, this feeds the weakness making it all even worse. There is no way I can describe how completely useless I was feeling and even when I had showered I needed to dry myself. Even with Heathers help throughout I am exhausted beyond belief and now I an clean and dry I have to go from bathroom to bed.
Heather suggests the wheelchair. No I can do it I am a man 58 years old I am capable of walking the ten feet to bed .  I have to use a zimmer all the time but now I am holding on so tightly it hurts. Halfway across Heather worried she is going to have to scrape me up off the floor cracks a nervous joke. It makes us do two things. One laugh we are both in need of something to take the tension out of the situation and two the futility of all of this. She is exhausted as well. We have been married near on forty years and now she's looking after me like I am a baby. Our children when they needed a nappy change probably weighed say two stone  I go near on fifteen and if I go down I an a dead weight. My body just shuts down in shock and I can't get up off the floor anymore. Luckily I make it the last few steps  and am safely in bed. She has to put me in bed and get my out of bed for that matter. But now I am safe but my body is freezing. I expect it is the shock but I am cold freezing cold. We have blankets to go over the quilt but this needs heavy duty stuff an old candlewick bed spread. Weighs a ton but it tells my body not to worry it is a reassuring weight. I can't move under it but it is enough to remind my broken nervous system it will soon warm me up.
My sleep apnea mask goes on and with the help of some much needed pain relief I must go to sleep.
I do or hould I ay I did?
Its Sunday now and I am still in bed, feeling a bit better but not good Saturday came and went and I am now waiting for Heather to help me get up. She has gone to church my mate Patrick is the vicar and he has the Bishop of Dover her today for his installation as a Canon, Heather just phoned and said she was helping out with the food and would be back soon. I have nothing else to say so am signing out. Oh the antibiotics they must be working I feel better than I did.

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